1. Your laundry has more sports bras than regular bras or more spandex than cotton.
2. You’ve woken up at 5:00 A.M. to beat the heat and humidity in the summertime.
3. On a Saturday.
4. Your allegiance to one shoe is stronger than Cinderella’s to her glass slipper.
5. When you find a pair of jeans that accommodates your waist-to-butt-to-thigh ratio, it is a sign that God loves you and wants you to be happy.
6. Some parts of the world consider beer to be an appropriate swap for Gatorade. You’ve looked into how one might move to these countries.
7. Somewhere in your house is a stash of packets of gel that come in a range of inventive flavors.
8. Someone in your family or circle of friends has mistaken these packets for… well, another kind of gooey substance.
9. And an improperly stored packet in your waistband…
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